Let It Go

Fals

Zambesc…E un zambet fals, dar eu zambesc. Increzator in sansele mele de a insela inca odata viata, eu zambesc. Dar amara e culoarea zambetului meu, fad si fara de inteles, si grea este privirea care-mi scruteaza fata, cautand chiar si cea mai mica urma de ezitare. Inca odata am raspuns gresit. Ce sens mai are sa-ti oferi opinia, daca aceasta este considerata gresita sau deplasata inca de la primul sunet pe care l-ai scos? Uite ca are! Parerea mea deranjeaza… De ce nu?! Ma simt acum mai bine decat m-am simtit in ultimele milenii. Pribeag la Portile Raiului si Iadului in acelasi timp, sufletul meu isi gaseste, intr-un final nesperat, identitatea… Dar si-o pierde exact in clipa in care credea ca totul s-a sfarsit… Acum totul s-a sfarsit, pentru ca in secunda imediat urmatoare ciclul pribegiei sa inceapa din nou. Sarcastic si fara de sfarsit, destinul pare ca a pierdut din nou ceva pe drum. Si acel ceva sunt eu… Privesc cu mirare spre un pendul… Unde ma aflu? Buna intrebare! Ar trebui sa stiu, dar gandul nu vrea sa-mi raspunda si mintea mea pare sa se legene odata cu pendulul. Dar am mai fost aici!?! Si nu doar odata! Blegul de mine! Incep sa vorbesc cu pendulul, de parca ar fi o entitate… Dar pendulul imi raspunde… Atunci observ ca timpul nu mai inainteaza, ci merge inapoi, odata cu pendulul care-mi raspunde la intrebari cu o logica pe care nu o pot contesta. Ce imi raspunde? Nu imi mai aduc aminte! Am pierdut vorbele pe drum… Sau poate ele m-au pierdut pe mine! Nu mai conteaza! Am gasit raspunsul! Il spun cu voce tare si cu o convingere de fier, incruntandu-ma putin ca sa-mi justific alegerea si sa subliniez motivul meu. Dar mint! Ma mint pe mine, ii mint pe cei din jur… Si pentru ce? Pentru liniste, pentru ziua de maine, pentru ziua in care voi putea spune clar ceea ce gandesc fara a mai fi judecat si categorisit, pentru ziua in care linistea nu va mai insemna singur, pentru ziua in care destinul nu va mai insemna blestem! Satisfacuta de raspuns, umbra blestemului meu se asterne iar la loc de vaza peste mantia destinului. Cine a castigat? Eu! Cine a pierdut? Eu! Dar destinul ma provoaca iar cu o ghicitoare! Umbra blestemului iar imi intuneca mintea si iar…

Floare Dalba

Noapte buna! Un fulg de nea se plimba pe pervazul geamului meu.Parca incearca sa intre inauntru, zgribulit de gerul care a inghetat pe oricine a avut curajul sa-l infrunte.Ma uit la el cu oarecare mila si incerc sa ma gandesc la ceva...Simt in mana dreapta o atingere calda si imi aduc aminte ca nu sunt singur.Mana ingerului meu ma tine ancorat intr-o lume mult prea pragmatica pentru un anotimp precum iarna. Ii strang mana si privirile noastre se intalnesc...Are privirea la fel de sfioasa ca si in ziua in care am cunoscut-o...Parca a fost ieri.Si totusi a trecut ceva vreme.Pentru mine deja a trecut o eternitate.Dar a meritat sa astept o eternitate.Acum simt ca sunt implinit,simt ca nu pot sa-mi doresc mai mult de la viata asta.Nimic nu poate conta mai mult decat ea si nimic nu va putea schimba vreodata lucrul asta.Fata ei alba se imbujoreaza brusc,de parca primavara i s-ar fi asternut pe chipul de nea.Suvitele ei de par ii cad larg peste umeri...Ma saruta incet pe frunte si apoi imi face o cruce drept sigiliu in locul in care m-a sarutat.Ii intorc sarutul pe frunte si ii cuprind o suvita de par intre degete.Suvita de par pare asa de fina...Parca mai fina si mai neajutorata decat pare posesoarea ei.Ma cufund in continuare in ochii ei.Cum pot doua lucruri atat de mici cum sunt ochii ei sa aiba atata putere?E o predare deliberata si dulce.Dar nu ii mai simt mana si chipul ei incepe sa dispara sub jocul fulgilor de nea! O zana,o fantasma a noptii,o plasmuire a iernii,un mit al zilei...Un vis! Ma trezesc, ma pierd iar in fulgii de nea si ma amestec iar in jocul lor! Ce sunt eu? Un fulg de nea ce a poposit pentru cateva secunde la geamul unei zane! Noapte Buna!

Face to Face

When was the last time you felt like this? This? What is this? Let me make it easier for you!
When was the first time you felt this? This question is harder than the first one, am I right? I look at her, but I can't see her! I listen to her, but I can't hear her! I touch her, but I can't feel her! It's like we're worlds apart! But we're one step away...one step closer! Her hair covers her face now, but the next second is short and stands still in the face of the blowing wind! She looks at me and I look at her! But all I see are memories...Old memories...Too old...so old that I ain't sure anymore that these memories are mine! But they are...And they're so old that the past seems future when I think at them...And her eyes, are so clear that I afraid that I'll drown if I'll dare to search for my past there! I'm afraid that all my wounds will open again...I'm afraid of what it could mean for me...But she dares to look into my eyes...A tear, a tear of blood, a tear of anger comes from my soul to my eyes and drops to the floor...She drifts away from me! I wake up! I'm looking at a picture of her! I was daydreaming! She's right beside me, laughing over something...We're so close, but still so far away...One infinite second close and away the same time! I smile to her and say goodbye! My soul bleeds but...Maybe the next life, if there will be such a thing, maybe the next millenium, we will be together again! Who knows? Only time!
But here I go again! It's like a never ending cycle! As my past closes under the fire eyes, the present prepares the way for a fogged future! The time of redemption is here...The rulers have changed, the rules are harder to obey...and those who can't hack it are in for a long sleep! My soul still bleeds, and every little tear of blood causes a change around me! I see an image around me, with characters, colours, sounds and all that it takes for a memory! But another tear reaches the ground and the things around me break into thousands of tiny little pieces! But they rearrange and form another image, another memory! And it's all back, like nothing ever happened! And the tears go on! I reach out with my hand and catch a tear in my palm...It's strange...The tear burns, the tear is cold, the tear pierces through my hand...And it goes down from the first hand as I reach out with my other hand...I caught the tear and, ignoring the pain, I put it into my mouth...I felt strange, I felt how my mind blows! All of my memories came to life and started swinging around me! My body feels like something on it's last seconds, a thing that flourishes for one second and dies in the next one! I feel that I'm leaving the body, knowing that my soul belongs somewhere else...Where? Only one person knows that, and that person ain't me...I feel so much...But I'm so poor in words, that poor that sometimes i think that even a child knows more than I do! I've got memories that aren't mine, images that show places where I've never been, people I've never seen but seem to have no secrets from me. But where are these memories from? A past life, a future one,if there were will be such things, or from this life that never stops to amaze me? I wish she was here! I wish I could stop all this...I want to talk to somebody, but I've got nobody to talk to...I wish that the ground would open and take me in, burying my pain with me! I'm walking away, but I seem closer to my destiny with every little step that I make! "Pas de regrets"...Too bad that doesn't really work for me! "One of us is crying, one of us is laying in a lonely room"...But today I'm one of us...Today I'm face to face with myself, face to face with my destiny, face to face with her! And I'm drowning in her eyes...in her crystal clear eyes...

Awake

...Still in time, i watch the first bullet as it runs through my hand and smashes against the wall. My blood spills and the pain rapidly gets to my head and starts the rage, the rage that was already overwhelming but under my control none the less. I march forward, driven by the pain and "catch" another bullet, with my left hand this time. But this one had an explosive head and all its heat tore my hand apart. Another sting from the pain and i feel like i am losing it. Losing it all... I remember the last time that i was overrun. All the pain was transferred to the ones that were trying to kill me. None of them lived to see the next moonlight. They were warned that none would live if they would face me and try to kill me. Their thought started it all. I was able to sense them , the hatred mixed with the fear was like an adrenaline pump for me. I was unstoppable. Well, in fact all i could do was to watch them die, just like in my darkest thoughts, just like in their worst nightmares. It only took one second of uncontrolled rage, one second of darkness, one second when the lack of control took them all to the land of no return... Another shot in my shoulder started to hurt really bad. My shield was almost depleted and they still had armor penetrating ammo. Of course they did, they were my best team-mates... We trained together to defeat our foes,we shared together the moments when we were not fighting, we died bit by bit with every friend that was turning against us on the battle field. And now? Now it was my turn. Predicted long time ago, the demon inside me was taking over. Half of my team-mates were killed when that happened. I nuked our entire base in a second. Nobody knew the codes for the nuke, not even i did. But the demon knew them. Awoken by the age that was catching up with the thousand demons that saw extinction under the shock-waves coming from somewhere deep inside me, he killed all my colleagues and nuked by himself the whole base.The ones that were on a mission that day were the only ones that survived. After that, for some unknown reason, i regained control of my body. I've been on the run for three days, but they found me eventually. I had to keep control for as long as it took in order for them to kill me in my human form. "Keep it up guys! If you don't you'll never live to see this world free again!" i shouted as my shield was down and i was kneeling under the bullet rain. My blood was leaving me and so was my power to contain him. The mirror of my dreams shattered in front of me, the light from my eyes disappeared and the rage took over... "Fly, you fools!" as Gandalf, the old mighty wizard from the forgotten stories would say... I am awake!